Breastfeeding Battle

I suppose everyone will live without a visual this time. :)
Breastfeeding-the most unnatural thing in the world. Please don't think I'm on the verge here. I'm doing fine. I love my baby. However, it is day 4. Usually the time when baby blues hit me the most. Before that you feel pretty good. You've only had a few days of horrible sleep. You think your baby is so cute that for a few seconds, you even think about having another one.

And then your milk comes in. And you've had three nights of no sleep. And your kids are fighting. I wish I was one of those people who have no problems at all with breastfeeding. It was always something I planned on doing. With B, every nurse in the hospital had mandhandled me to get him to nurse. I was afraid to go home without that help. When I got home, he was fine and I nursed for year.

With C, he latched on fine at the hospital but when my milk came in he refused. I would bawl in the night and declare that it was over. Then bawl in the morning because I didn't want to be done. I finally went to lactation and he finally got it and I nursed for 10 months.

I don't remember any problems with T. Heavenly Father was blessing us because it was tax season I suppose. I must have been sick of either being pregnant or nursing and wanting my body back because I stopped at 8 months.

With this one I was actually looking forward to it. I have had enough of a break that I really wanted it to work. Plus, if she is my last it will be my last time to do it. She nursed for a few minutes after she was born. Then after some struggles she nursed at 10:45 that night. Then she refused for about 1 1/2 days. I finally got her to do it again and things were going great. Then last night my milk came in and she hasn't nursed since. And I am engorged and in pain.

This morning I went and used my giftcards to Wal-greens and got a breast pump. I also got two other devices that are supposed to help with latch on. One is a nipple shield and one is a latch attach (if you are still reading this-bravo. I probably would have stopped at the word nipple).
Anyway, I tried them both and she didn't really care. She wanted nothing to do with it.

They say breastfeeding is so much cheaper but by the time I spent $80 in nursing bras, then breast pads, pump, little devices it is adding up. I know over the course of a year then it will be worth it. But what if she never gets it?

I know I should call lactation. I've been trying my hardest to avoid it. I know they are great and knowlegable people but they usually shriek at the word formula. Do they have to be so extreme? When I called to talk with them about C she told me I must stop using formula right away. Ok. I've got a 6 day screaming his head off in hunger. What do you suggest?

Maybe the hospital has a new lady who would be a little nicer. Why are we made to feel less of a woman if this doesn't come naturally?

Oh well. This too shall pass. I just wish I was looking back on this memory instead of having the sorest breasts in the all of the land at the moment. Thanks for letting me vent.